The Journey Starts Now.

Hello, lovely people!!
I hope that your holiday has been wonderful! Mine has been great! I've spent a lot of my time laying around and trying to heal up some.
I thought it would be nice to let you know that I've lost 25 pounds!! Woohoo!!
I can't lie to you guys and say that it's been easy.
Everyday I tell my mom that I wish I could have something to eat.
You know, you would think that Thanksgiving day would have been the hardest on me.
It wasn't.
It's these days after.
Where I'm with my family and they're all eating good, Mexican food.
All I've had were protein shakes, and some yogurt.
No wonder I've lost weight, huh?
Honestly, I've already had moments where I've wanted to go back.
I'm in pain from the actual procedure and I can't eat anything.
I can't lie and say that I've enjoyed this.
I haven't.
I'm ready for some food.
Literally everyone is eating everything.
& i'm having a shake.
I keep trying to tell myself that it'll be worth it, and sometimes I know that it will be.
I have 5 weeks before I can have a solid meal, and I will probably be ready to tear someone's hair out.
On a brighter note, in another 5 weeks, I'll be able to start hitting the gym and seeing some hardcore results.
It's been a really emotional 7 days.
I am 100% ready to go back to work.
I'm so sick of laying around the house.
I get to start back on Wednesday, and I'm so ready to see everyone.
I think that maybe this will get easier once I'm busy and have my mind on other stuff.
I know that I will get past the hard days, and that it will be worth it.
I just have to get to that point.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I navigate my way through these next weeks.
Pray that I don't bite someone's head off.
Literally.
Sorry for these posts that seem all over the place. Like I've said. I've been very emotional lately.
Someday soon, my blog posts will be of good recipes, and they'll all make since.
Until then, bare with me.

-Baby

Day 2

It feels really weird to be blogging from a hospital.

 However, I am thankful that I am feeling well enough to sit up and blog. I told everyone that I came in contact with yesterday that I did NOT want to be drugged out of my mind the whole time that I was here. I've mostly had Tylenol, but I've also had a couple doses of Dilauded. Of course, those knocked me out immediately. I finally got to put my own clothes on, and brush my teeth. I feel like a whole new person. 

The pain is tolerable. I had a pretty rough night last night, between the pain and the nurses coming in every four hours to take blood and check vitals. I ended up needing some Dilauded which put me straight to sleep. I got up this morning and walked the hospital, I swear that walking has become my best friend. It helps alleviate the gas pain. The gas pain is the worst part. During a laparoscopic procedure, they expand your stomach with gas in order to get your organs off of each other so that they can work easier. It feels like trapped gas in my chest, and it hurts oh so bad. But walking fixes everything. Ha.

I can't start working out hardcore until 6 weeks out. That kind of upsets me because I'm ready to start working out, but I don't want to cause a hernia. So I'll just stick with walking for now.

I found out yesterday that I lost 15 pounds on my liver shrink diet!! So, that was exciting. I woke up this morning, and I'm pretty sure that I've lost more since the procedure yesterday. 

A lot of people keep asking me why I decided to have the procedure before Thanksgiving. The truth is, I didn't even realize it was right before Thanksgiving, until like a week after it was scheduled. That being said, I was ready for this change. I knew that I wanted to be completely healed up by my birthday in January, and I wanted to start losing weight by Christmas, so it all worked out. No, I won't be able to eat solids on Thanksgiving, but I will be able to travel to be with my family on Thanksgiving, and I am very excited about that. I will also be able to shop that weekend, so needless to say, I don't think I will be missing out on the food.

 I'll be strictly on liquids until two weeks out, and I will slowly start reintroducing some thicker foods and solids into my diet. I will be able to eat anything that I want (within reason) at 6 weeks out.  I will also be able to shop that weekend, so needless to say, I don't think I will be missing out on the food. I have mentally prepared myself well for this new season of my life, and I am glad to know that it will all be worth it.

 I'm so sorry that this post is all over the place. There was no one topic that I was interested in writing about. I just wanted to let you guys know that I am doing well, with minimal pain. Please continue to pray for a quick healing and smooth recovery. Thanks guys!

-Baby

Sink or Swim

This. Is. Happening. 

Tomorrow to be exact. The first day of the rest of my life is happening tomorrow.

 And I’m scared to death. I feel like that is 100% normal, though. I go in for my procedure at 8 am in the morning. I have this weird antibacterial soap that I have to wash with, and I really want a cheeseburger. But I’m doing okay. I’ll be in the hospital for two days afterward, just to make sure that everything is going okay. I’ve been doing the liver shrink diet for the last two weeks, and it hasn’t been as hard as I’ve expected it to be. I had one really hard day where I was craving something sweet, but I got through it. I am on only clear liquids today, but that is just getting me prepared for tomorrow. This surgery can be dangerous when you have solid food in your system, so they make you do clear liquids before the surgery.

 I’ve spent the majority of my day wondering how I can be this scared and this excited at the same time. I wondered how it was like I could be so ready and so intimidated at the same time. I wondered how I would make it through these first few months. The months that most people tend to have an issue with. The ones who can transition into a depression, and gastric bypass patients don’t even know what is happening. What would I do? Me. The person who fought and scraped to beat depression. What would happen if I fell back into that place? I immediately thought, “Sink or Swim”. Those are the choices that I have. It’s just like the first time I ever swam solely on my own. I remember my dad letting go of me and saying, “sink or swim”. In these new waters that I will be testing, it’s sink or swim. My surgeon is handing me this tool on a silver platter. The only thing that I can do is use it to its full potential. 

I never pictured myself in this position. I never thought that I would be awaiting a surgery to help me turn my life around. But I also never thought I’d get to a place where I was anxiety free. Where I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m ready to be comfortable with myself, and to run 5 k’s, and to be excited about clothes shopping. Most of all, I’m ready to be healthy. Healthier than I have ever been. A place where I never thought I would be. Healthy.

I am asking for prayers. Prayers not only for God to calm my fears, but also that he would guide my surgical team. I can’t wait to start this journey. It all is becoming so so real to me. I can’t wait to see what life is like on the other side. Again, thanks to those who are actually following along and read these. It means the world.

                                                                         

  -Baby

Change, Change, Change.

Change is inevitable. Change is constant. -Benjamin Disraeli

So, it’s official. My entire life is changing. The change began with the approval of my weight loss surgery, and continued to make its way into my educational life. From there, I’ve been hired on at an animal hospital! I am so stoked! I can’t tell you how excited I am to have my entire life changed in the course of three weeks. It has definitely kept me on my toes. Want to know something funny? Since the beginning of these changes, I haven’t taken one anxiety pill. Not one. It’s crazy, because a lot of people say that with chaos comes heightened anxiety. Believe me, my life is definitely chaotic. But when I decided to make myself happy, and stop doing what everyone else wanted me to do, I didn’t feel so anxious all the time. I feel free for the first time in a long time. It’s nice. It really is.

So, now with updates about my surgery. I had a follow up appointment with The West Clinic about my blood work. Dr. Weaver sent me to Dr. Somers to make sure that I didn’t have any blood clotting disorders. I went this afternoon and found that my blood work came back completely normal. Yay! Now I can proceed with the steps to my surgery. The next step is the liver shrink diet. You have to be on this diet for some time before the surgery, and you have to follow it strictly. The point of the diet is that removes the fat that has built up around the liver, so that it is easier to maneuver the arms of the machine so that they can perform the surgery successfully. So, that means that I’ll be eating nothing but protein bars, and eating nothing but protein shakes. Delicious. I’m pretty excited about it, actually. A lot of people say that this diet jump starts weight loss. The average person loses 20-30 pounds in this time span. I’ll start preparing the stuff for that diet tomorrow. I have one more appointment before I have my surgery, but the appointment is later this month.

Sadly, tomorrow will be day one without sodas. Nothing but water for the next several months. If you know me at all, you know that this is probably going to be the hardest part of the journey for me. I drink Dr. Pepper like it is going out of style. So, there’s that. Me and crystal light are about to become best friends forever.

A lot of people have asked me about before pictures, and how often I would be taking pictures to show progress. Before, during, and after pictures are something that I was interested in for myself. But a lot of you have voiced your interest in them. So this is me asking all of you if you would like to see before, during and after pictures. They will not be half naked pictures where I expose myself to the world, because I’m a classy girl and that’s just not my thang, ya feel me? If you are interested in the pictures, just comment on my Facebook post of today’s blog and let me know how often you’d want picture updates (every month, three months, etc).

I am getting pretty close to my surgery date, guys. I’m both excited and nervous, and I am asking for prayers. Not only prayers to calm my nerves, but also prayers that God will guide the doctor’s hands. Thanks for following me in this journey. There’s more to me than you know.

                                                                 -Bypass Baby